


Do You Want To Build a Snowman?

by minballs



Category: SHINee
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Cute, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Disney, Five Stages of Grief, Fluff, Gen, Grief, Grieving, Quote: Do You Want to Build a Snowman? (Frozen), Sad, Sadness, Snow, Snowman, Winter, frozen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 03:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14741066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minballs/pseuds/minballs
Summary: December 18th, 2017 was the worst day of Kibum's life. He's trying to heal, but he's struggling. Minho decides he should try and help his friend.





	Do You Want To Build a Snowman?

_“So picking up the pieces, where to begin? The hardest part of ending is starting again.” ___

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__The line from an old Linkin Park song played over and over in Kibum’s head, crowding out all other thoughts in his mind. It was the only song he’d listened to on that 15 hour flight back home from Lisbon. It held some sort of comfort in its words, no matter how minute that comfort may be. In a cruelly ironic sort of way, it seemed Chester’s demise in July had been some sort of omen. Perhaps it was foreshadowing?_ _

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__15 hours. Was it really only 15 hours? It had seemed to stretch on for so, so much longer than that. The flight was the only thing that was taking its time; everything else was moving so quickly, as if it were set in fast forward and Kibum had no control over the remote. He prayed that he was being tricked, that this was some sort of cruel hoax that no one could update him on while he was in the air, but it wasn’t. By the time he’d reached Incheon, there was a funeral planned. There was already a casket. How was there already a casket?_ _

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__Kibum heaved a sigh as he continued to fold laundry. The four of them had decided to move back in with each other after all was said and done; they just needed each other’s support too much to be apart. Naturally that meant Kibum had resumed his role as den mother, taking on responsibilities like cooking and cleaning. Today he washing everyone’s clothes, but while it kept his hands busy it left his mind free to wander off as it pleased. Images of the procession kept flashing back to him, from the moment Jonghyun’s mother had collapsed in Minho’s arms while sobbing for her youngest child to come back to the moment they loaded their friend and brother into the waiting hearse. The entire thing felt like some enormous fever dream, as if all he had to do was pinch himself hard enough and he’d wake up to find Jonghyun standing in the doorway with Roo under his arm, playfully chastising Kibum for sleeping in so late._ _

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__That wasn’t going to happen, though. It was never going to happen again._ _

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__He had to take a moment to just breathe as the familiar lump in his throat began to rise up again. Kibum had promised himself no more tears, but deep down he knew it was a lie. How was he supposed to stop crying?_ _

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__The company had been kind enough to pay for therapy for everyone who felt they needed it, and Kibum's therapist had told him that he was just cycling through the 5 stages of grief. He was currently stuck in denial, he'd been told, and after he reached anger, bargaining, and depression he'd come to acceptance. He'd eventually be okay; that's what everyone always said, and frankly he was sick of it._ _

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__"You're going to be okay, everything's going to be okay, everything will work out, it'll all be alright eventually."_ _

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__He called bullshit. How were things supposed to be okay? His best friend was dead and buried. Kibum, despite every possible effort he'd put into it, had been unable to save him. He failed. He felt like the most worthless human being on the face of the planet. How had he been so blind? All of the signs were there. He'd even told them that he planned on resting for a long time at the end of the year. What kind of friend had Kibum been if Jonghyun had felt like he was all alone in world? Stupid. He was so fucking stupid._ _

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__He wasn't able to hod back the sudden rush of tears that flooded his eyes, and silent sobs racked his thin shoulders. He didn't want to disturb the others; they were going through enough on their own, they didn't need to be worried about him too. He needed to be tough for them, to be their rock. Men weren't supposed to cry, except for on their wedding day and when their children were born. That's what his father had always told him, anyway. A real man was supposed to be stoic, to be strong for those who needed him most in a time of crisis. He didn't have time for he himself to be coddled._ _

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__Jinki's voice echoed in his ears, that robotic monotone that he'd adopted for the two weeks, "You can't see the body. I don't want any of you to see it." It, not him. Whatever that thing was, it wasn't Jonghyun, and Jinki wouldn't allow his friends to see it. Whatever it was, it had driven Jinki to drink heavily._ _

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__Carbon monoxide is a funny thing. It takes over the cells and kicks out the oxygen, stopping decomposition entirely in its tracks. It leaves the body perfectly preserved with rosy cheeks, easily passed off as someone who is merely napping. Jinki didn't want the others to see this. It would give them too much hope._ _

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__Kibum jumped as a knock on the door startled him back to reality. "Y-yes?"_ _

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__"Kibum, please, I know you're in there. People keep asking where you've been. Please just let me in?"_ _

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__"Go away! I'm busy!"_ _

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__The door knob rattled before Minho's sweet voice carried through to him once more. "Kibummie, please come out. It's Christmas Eve."_ _

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__Kibum wiped his eyes with the sock that happened to be in his hand before sniffling, trying to hide the evidence. "Minho, I'm not really in the Christmas spirit. You three go have fun, I have chores to do."_ _

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__For a moment he thought Minho actually listened to him as he heard the other's footsteps fade off down the hallway, but then Minho returned with the key and let himself in. Without any hesitation he strode forward and pulled Kibum into his arms for a tight hug. "Hyung, please, come out and spend time with us. We haven't seen you for days."_ _

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__Kibum allowed himself to be held, burying his face in the crook of Minho's neck for a long moment. A brief silence passes between them, both of them standing perfectly still for fear of disturbing the other, before Minho whispered softly, "It's snowing. Do you want to build a snowman?"_ _

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__A/N: I was watching Frozen with my nephew and this was all I could think about when we heard the end of Do You Want To Build A Snowman, so here it is :'(. I might make it into a chaptered fic, but I'm not entirely sure. If you want me to continue, please comment and let me know! Otherwise I'll leave it as is._ _


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